The last two years I have, for want of a better word reviewed things that I have done for the previous year which I am glad to have done. (See posts here and here.) It’s a year since the last one so I’m looking back over the previous year. While reflecting the main thing I realised is that I am happier with who I am as a person. Life in the last year has definitely not worked out how I wanted it to, but I have far less regrets than I have in previous years. I think this is in part due to seeing the positive in what I have, and partly due to not being scared to push doors/ say what I think, so I’m not looking back wishing I had done things differently. I guess I know I did what I could to get the outcome I wanted, which I find makes it easier to accept the way life is.
The following is a selection of things from the last year that I am grateful for.
1) Completeing my second NanoWrimo novel
2) Having the opportunity to learn that I don’t like snow as much as I thought I did!
3) Wonderful friends
4) Completing Script Frenzy
6) “Sunrise” on the beach on the longest day of the year.
7) MacDonalds breakfast with 2 wonderful teenagers, 3 wonderful grown-ups and 3 delightful children. (We use to take the teenagers when they were little.)
8) Special children in my world
9) Finding a church that I love going to (something that I never thought would happen)
10) Twitter (surfing_madness)
11) Remembering my knitting skills
12) Learning to crochet
13) Being given the guardian for the 3 weeks of the tour de France.
14) Completing my post-graduate certificate
15) Getting a place to study Social Work
16) Finding a bible study/ house group which I feel comfortable in.
17) Heritage open day
18) My brother and sister-in-law.
19) My Dad’s randomness
At the moment I’m going slightly up the wall. It’s one of those moments when life contrives to make me go slightly mad with lack of brain usage. I think the moment I used my brain at work the most today, was when I remembered the colours of the different engines in Thomas and friends (or for those who are old like me The Railway Stories.) Amongst the conversations I held yesterday both at work and outside of work, was which hair dye works the best and at what age can a baby start to drink from a cup not a bottle? None of these are conversations I mind holding, but I feel I need to hold one or two which exercise my brain slightly more! I just feel that I am living in a world that is slightly different from those around me. I just feel like I want to use my brain and don’t know how to. I go through fazes like this, which is why I think I enjoy studying so much, as I’m not good at engaging with written material which makes me think, unless I have to and then I enjoy it. This is partly due to laziness and partly due to dyslexia. At these times it’s good for me to meet up with people who will at least make me use my brain a wee bit in conversation. However due to different factors coming together, I am for a few weeks working lots, but not anything that uses my brain much, and therefore when I have the chance to be at home I need to be around, due to the situation where I am living, so can’t go out for bigger chunks which meeting up with various friends requires, partly due to location. Life will improve I know but in the meantime, having a space to moan is good.
I have been using my brain on other things, but not really in my interaction with others. Those of you who are regular readers of this blog with know that I have twice written first drafts of novels thanks to the inspiration of NaNoWriMo, well this April for the first time I am participating in the sister event Script Frenzy. I have never even thought about writing a script before, and am amazed at how much I am enjoying it. I think I may be enjoying the creative process involved more than that in novel writing. It is forcing me to think through how dialogue and actions, can be used to create feelings and emotions. When novel writing, while you paint a picture of what is happening, you can say how this or that makes the characters feel. When script writing you have to make people feel that, without them being told. You have to develop fuller characters by what they do and say. It is really helping me to think through how to build good and believable characters. The lessons I learn I hope will transfer to my novel writing as well.
Lots of things should be happening in my world, instead I am getting excited (and nervous) about NaNoWriMo 2010. I think I will be following the main character who grows up being expected to be a traditional girl, and how this is expected to carry on into adulthood, until she meets someone who makes her re-think her world. This has set me thinking about how much we are ever who we are because of who we are, and how much is because of those around us? For example I had had a few ideas bouncing around in my brain, but this wasn’t really one of them. But I had had a “interesting” chat with a friend recently about gender, and how we develop our concept of gender (and how that effects our theology, view of God etc.) Am I therefore being influenced by others, and how much are others just bringing to the surface things that are buried in me? It’s reminded me to be careful to ensure that I’m being true to me, and not allowing others to change me from who I am. In this case I decided that it was just reminding me of something that was important to me that had maybe been buried by a few other things. I partly came to this conclusion as when I started to outline my plot I realised that the main character was very loosely based on my childhood, and the character that makes her re-think her world is loosely based on my great-aunt. It will be interesting to see what happens when I start however loosely with real characters.
In other news I have my essay back (I was amazed at how quickly it was back) and I got a lot better mark than I expected.
There are lots of things in my world that are not as i would like them to be. I also have an essay that is refusing to behave. I have therefore started to thinking about NaNoWriMo mainly as a way to distract myself. Due to various conversations I am thinking about how girls learn about role models and what role models we are given. I was fortunate growing up to have amongst others a great-aunt who thought it was important for women to have strong female role models from history. I was talking to a six year old girl today about WWI and about people from all over the world fighting, and her comment was “but not girls, only men”. So I explained that mainly yes, but sometimes women fought to. I’m now letting the idea of women from history and how i’m going to make it in to a novel bouncy around in my brain.
As anyone who reads this blog regularly will know that last month (yes we really have got to December) that I took part in NaNoWriMo. This was something I had never done before, I had never thought about writing fiction. In the closing chapter my main character is in heaven. I really enjoyed writing this chapter as it gave me the chance to think about heaven in a fiction setting so it didn’t matter if I got it “biblically right”, while I strived not to deliberately contradict the bible, it did give my imagine free reign. Often we shy away from thinking about heaven, l mean what difference does it make? I through my writing and thinking, realised how much we had lost out on through the fall, and also what an amazing God we have. He really does no what is best, and how sin has effected everything. While it could have been quiet depressing realising more fully what we are missing out on, it has instead inspired me to pray with a more full understanding “your kingdom, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
My facebook status at the moment says “live life on the edge… quit wanting to do it, or planning to do it and just do it! “someday” may never come.“ I “borrowed” it off a friend, but feel that at the moment it is appropriate. While I’ve not been somebody who say someday I’ll write a novel, I’ve not said it because I did not think I’d ever manage it. As anyone who read some of my entries at the end of last month I have been partaking in NaNoWriMo, which is a challenge to write 50000 words of fiction in a month. I’ve not finished yet, but should hopefully get there by the end of November, this has helped me to think that things that I thought were impossible for me might just be possible, maybe it’s ok to dream the impossible and go for it.
Today is the first anniversary of my Grandad’s death. I fairly recently blogged about what my Grandad taught me. This evening I had a lovely evening with my flatmate, by having an evening that my Grandad would have loved, this involved listening to music, playing card games, and most importantly eating his favourite food – ice-cream! While I miss him, it’s been good to remember the positive.
In other news I’m still NaNoWriMoing (write a novel in a month) it’s going ok, but is hard work!!
Those who read my last post will know that i have signed up for nanowrimo with the aim of writing a novel (50000 words) in November. At the moment i’m trying to sort the plan in my brain. I want as part of it to use charactors from church history to illistrate to the main charactor how to deal with different situations. i’ve got some ideas, but need to decide on a few more and also at the moment i’m looking for a few more women. So any ideas would be welcome. (if you could have a couple of sentances about them to that would be great.)
Before reading this, i should say it was written Sunday evening.
I’ve been thinking for a while about where this journey that I’m on is leading. Tonight I took the next step, which basically involved talking to a couple of the mission board at church to say that I was interested in mission, know I want to work with children with additional support needs, but don’t know where. They were lovely, but I’m still feel like going but what do I do next? Anyone any ideas where I should be going? Which is maybe what I should have said but didn’t, so we will have to see what happens next.
I also yesterday signed up for NaNoWriMo, with the idea that I will write a novel (50000 words) in November, so I’m busy playing with plot ideas and characters at the moment to be ready for the beginning of November, and wondering why I thought it was a good idea!!